The Art of Potty Training
Yes, you read it right. Potty training. I think this life skill deserves a post of its own because at the end of it, it’s not just about training a toddler to use the toilet. For me, potty training my toddler has fundamentally been about my own beliefs on the kind of parent (and person) I would like to be.
There is plenty of advice about potty training and I have read none of it. However, I have been made to hear quite a bit of it! My mother believes that potty training should start soon. How soon? Well she started when her granddaughter was barely a month old! Some times it worked and some times it did not. My mother firmly believes the sooner you start, the better. However I was not able to do the same as there were times when my daughter would resist and it was difficult to convince myself that this was for her own good.
And so I decided that I would try my way. What is my way? Given I can relate with people who believe in if you build it, they will come (Field of Dreams), I believed that my daughter would learn how to use the toilet when the time was right. This doesn’t imply I do nothing. In fact, what I did was treat her like an adult.
What exactly did treating her like an adult entail? Every day, for the past month or so, I would look her in the eye and tell her multiple times a day: Look I understand, you got to go, when you got to go but just let me know, alright? So if you want to pee, you say so and if you want to poo, you do the same. Alright? I would try to get some acknowledgement from her. A nod would suffice. Of course there is no saying what was going on in that little head but I am certain some synaptic connections were being formed.
And within a few days of me talking to her, she started telling me so! I was thrilled but there was a small issue. She only started saying so after the deed so then I realised that time was a new concept for her. She did not quite understand what before, during and after meant. And so I started talking about time: “It is time for play”, “It’s going to be night soon”, “It is night”, “It will be morning tomorrow”, “I am hungry now”, “It is dinner time”, “It is bed time”, etc. I also spoke to her as if she fully understood what the words meant. (I actually do this by default as some times when she looks at me I get the feeling that she is trying to say Hey, don’t treat me like a baby. I am a big girl!) Within a week of speaking to her in this manner, she was able to tell us ahead of time when she wanted to go! I was ecstatic. Also please note, when a toddler says they want to go, you have about 10 seconds to carry them and run to the toilet!
Now a days, most times she tells us when she needs to go. Some times, when she is busy watering the plants or playing, she forgets which is quite alright as I am confident we will eventually get there. There is no hurry.
And lastly, I do not wish to entirely dismiss the advice of those more experienced like my mother. Some times there is wisdom in what she says and some times there isn’t. I figured it is upto me to think and decide. And I decided that while I will listen to her, I will also do my best to trust my own intuition and most importantly, trust the intelligence of our children.